Like a field of fallen snow

I’m usually pretty good about updating at least once a month. It’s funny how the one year I take off work (literally since I’ve been 15 years old) is also the one year I hardly find the time to write. I figured that time would really slow down after we got the holidays behind us, but if anything, it’s all sped up.

We are currently less than 3 weeks away from baby Khai gracing us with his presence into the world, and to say we are getting eager, anxious, and excited is all a big understatement. The rush of the impending birth has put me into a hardcore clean/purge/organize/tie up loose ends kind of mood. With schools being closed most of December and January for COVID, that meant Silas was home with me for well over a month. During this whole pandemic, I think I've run errands with him only a few times. After noticing I'd forgotten to order cat food, I decided taking him into a pet store right when they opened would be low risk and may actually be fun. Little did I realize....

....just how much fun he'd have!!

Silas has really been in a Finding Nemo mood lately, so him seeing all the fish in the tanks just took him to a whole new level. I grabbed my phone, knowing we would be coming home with fish that day, and decided to tell Pete the news. Thankfully, one of us coming home with an unplanned animal isn't anything new, and Pete welcomed the new addition like a champ.

We opted for a "GloFish" setup, which entailed 3 Danio fish and 2 ghost shrimp that reacted under the blacklight in a tank fully tailored to a hippy theme, all of which Silas picked out. After two rounds of the fish failing to thrive and one incident of a shrimp mauling a fish to death (yes, really), we decided to say screw it and got a Beta fish instead.....who is still alive, thank goodness.

This change also coincided with another HUGE change: potty training Silas.

Something in me just told me it was time. I wasn't entirely sure when to introduce the concept to him, as I've seen most parents start closer to the age of 3, but I truly felt like Silas was ready. We decided to go all in and just threw him in big boy underpants one day and told him this was it.

I have to admit....really the first two days were the only ones that were a bit of a struggle. There were accidents, but nothing as horrible as I'd imagined. We diligently placed him on his potty once an hour. We hung a sticker chart in the kitchen and praised him like a king each time he used the potty. By the end of the 4th day, we were both like..."Wow.....ok...this hasn't been that bad at all!"

After a solid week, we sent him back to school to test out his new skills and has yet to have any accidents there. In fact, we've only had a few here and there over the past several weeks total! The only struggle has still been getting him to consistently poop in the potty. That being said, I'm not only SUPER proud of him, but I'm also VERY relieved to only be changing one set of diapers once baby Khai comes. phew!!

With Silas' new skill under his belt, I truly think he felt just as good about it as did. It's gotta feel good not having a bulky diaper on all the time. Either way, Silas has recently warped back into mom-mode with me, resulting in lots and lots of cuddles on the couch. He's been affectionate in a way we've never seen before, and it has us wondering if he senses the baby's arrival or if he's just growing into becoming more and more like a little boy.

Our plan has been to keep Silas in school up until the last two weeks before Khai's expected delivery. With schools being closed so much for a number of reasons, we've found ourselves with just a ton of one-on-one time with Silas. Sometimes, I get overwhelmed at still trying to be productive while not boring Silas to death. With each passing week though, I have less and less energy to juggle responsibilities with, and even the thought of having to entertain him all day just exhausts me. Thankfully, Silas has jumped back on the nap wagon, after a 3-month hiatus, so I've been able to seize a daily nap when he goes down!

Between my mother, mother-in-law, and friends, we've truly seen just how many people love and support our family. We feared that we may lose connections with some over the course of the last year, seeing as how we've been way more distanced and isolated from the world than most, but I've found that most of our relationships have proven to be extremely strong and supportive. I can only speak personally, but I have found a lot of beauty during this time in regards to how I see those that are in our life, and I feel beyond fortunate that Silas has these people beside him as well.

One of the funny things about living through this pandemic is the amount of experiences you get to experience remotely. One of our dear friends has been eager to throw us a baby shower, and while we were hesitant about accepting such a sweet offer at first, we also felt a strong desire to share our excitement with those we love. I struggled with the temptation of wanting to meet in person, but being so close to the end, we opted for Zoom shower to celebrate briefly with some of our friends online!

I have to admit....I was sad not to be able to walk around, mingle, catch up, and snack with friends I haven't seen in a while. On the other hand, part of me is happy to say that we took part in something like a Zoom baby shower! I think in 5 years or so, we will be like wow....what a different world that time was....at least I hope so. Either way, those who popped on to say hello, and then those who sent us so many nice gifts just reminded Pete and me that we have a whole world of people who love us. We both really needed that.

Actual winter weather seemed to finally kick in recently Thankfully, I found a cheap XL coat from Old Navy before the holidays came, so I'm able to fully zip up and still get the afternoon chores done outside! The dogs love to accompany me, and sometimes I even bring Silas along, weather permitting. Part of me thought dealing with the winter weather while being at the end of my pregnancy would be easier than the summer was with Silas, but it's been a bit more difficult in some ways. Shoot, right now, I can hardly bend over to get my shoes on or to zip up my jacket that falls below my knees. 😩

When the weather is really bad, I have the luxury of Pete working from home who can run out and do it for me when needed. Lately, he's unfortunately had to take on most of that responsibility, including all the "fun" chores, like cleaning out the coops and tending to the donkeys' hooves.

We never managed to process our birds this winter, but that doesn't mean I didn't want to. I'm not entirely sure how many chickens we have right now, but we've had a growing customer base for our egg sales, so much that killing any of them could impact our demands. Lately, I've hated our birds. Call it pregnancy-hormones or the fact that my patience is the size of a pea, but I CANNOT deal with them swarming me and the pigs every afternoon.

One day, we ran out of chicken feed, and the swarm of birds was so overwhelming, I could hardly walk at all to get through the barn. The pigs couldn't get their mouths in their own bowls without being attacked, and feathers were flying everywhere. I broke down crying, screaming, and kicking at all the birds in my way. The donkeys looked at me from afar, judging my every move, and the pigs just backed their way out of the situation altogether. I felt horrible for the rest of the day, because I find joy in the little work I get to do out there, and not being able to do it or enjoy it just ruins everything.

Not all days are like this though. In fact, 99% of the days aren't. We still have some OG birds alive like Peanut, Fezziwig, Mr. Waddles, and Elizabeth. Peanut still jumps up every single day to be held and loved on....I'm not sure why she's even been like this, but we love her for it. Then I've got the pigs who, although they sound whiny, love to get butt pats and attention. I in no way spend time with everyone like I used to (pre-Silas), but that's ok. Sometimes, I still feel guilty and like I need to just sit down with everyone and give them all a lot of love. That's what warmer days are for though, right? 😊

The donkeys have been pretty destructive to the property this year. We planted two new trees, one for mother's day and one for Vega's passing. The donkeys ate the bark off both trees, and we aren't even sure if they will bounce back. The eventually started eating the siding off two of our coops, and have nearly eaten the whole door off our broiler coop, which is where our guineas sleep at night. While I'm not entirely sure why they have been acting out, it's been unsettling to deal with each time something happens.

Thankfully, we haven't had any serious health issues with either of them, and their hooves are in pretty good shape this year. They are truly empathetic creatures and are very protective of the people in our family. They love it when I bring Silas out with me, and they still scream at us from the back fence when it's time for lunch, and we are late. 😆

Bootes, on the other hand, is currently in his element. We worry every winter that he is sad and/or lonely. Once you see him outside, though, you realize just how happy he is to have COLD weather! He's like a puppy all over again. I wish Vega were still here to have beside Bootes. I know he loved her and the company she provided. And while I do worry he's lonely with us not being outside like we are in the summer months, I do know he has Samson (our cat) for company when he needs it. I can always find the two of them curled up together in the garage. ❤️

Turtle is still alive. 😆 I used to say she was thriving, but I'm not even sure I can say that anymore. She's unable to get off and on any furniture other than a two-seater in the office. She sleeps the majority of the day. She literally goes days without eating anything. She poops/pees in the house nearly every night...under the damn kitchen table. She's on so much medication, it's like paying for another child to attend daycare each month. And, well, she just doesn't look great.

I'm not sure how long Turtle will hold on for, as I don't see her quality of life being the best, but she's still my first dog, and I love her to death. She's a mess, and she's always under foot and super annoying, but she's MY dog, and she encompasses everything from the last 15+ years together. That's something.

These last weeks before Khai's arrival haven't been without stress and worry. Pete and I both have struggles going on in our families that won't be shared just yet, but we've had to be in tune with things more and more. We try to focus on the positives and the things we can control, but then some days just remind us of how under-prepared and not in control we really are.

We live on a dead-end road, and we have the BEST neighbors there are. No really. We communicate regularly with everyone, try to help out when we can, share food and briefs talks on our walks, and try to show our love for each of them, even when they aren't around. It's nice to live on a road where you know everyone has your best interest at heart and visa-versa. Unfortunately, there are some instances where we can't do much to help each other and can only share in the misery together.

This last weekend took us for a spin. All of the houses on our lane run off the same power and well for water. When we lose power, we lose everything. The well house is up on our hill, so Pete and I tend to any complications when the need arises. We have tried to always be as prepared as possible with impending weather, but this particular weekend got away from us. Saturday afternoon, Pete even voiced how he needed to go fill up our gas tanks for the generators just in case. Sure enough, we woke up Sunday morning just before 3:30am to the familiar sound of the power disappearing. We both just rolled over and said, "Shit."

We did what we always do: touched base with the neighbors to make sure it wasn't just us, phoned NES, and went up to check on Silas. Our neighbor's largest sycamore tree had fallen, taking out the lines across the lane completely. Naturally, this would happen on one of the coldest nights of the year, so we were more worried about the house getting too cold and the pipes freezing. Thankfully, one of our neighbors came to our rescue with gasoline, but neither of our generators were working. We just kept thinking how typical this all was. Meanwhile, the house was getting colder by the minute.

After suiting Silas up in multiple layers and dealing with his meltdown upon waking up, we had some of our closest friends come out to help us with the generators. Last year, we opted for an electrician to install an outlet for us to plug the pump in the well house directly into the generator setup, but the plug was actually not compatible....something we didn't know until now. By about 10:30am, our friends had helped us resolve the issue in the well house just as NES was finishing re-attaching the power line! The house was about 50 degrees by the time we got power back, and we were SO THANKFUL.

Over the course of the next couple days, we got a mixture of ice and snow. We took Sunday as a wakeup call and decided to make sure we had EVERYTHING in order for the next few days, especially with us being so close to birthing time. Each passing hour of snow made us a bit more anxious, as our road and driveway continued to become more inaccessible. Furthermore, our plans for birthing time can unhinged, and we realized we needed to make new backup plans....and backups to the backup plans.

All that being said, Pete and I decided we also needed to make the most of our situation and not be so focused on what else could go wrong. Silas hasn't ever had a proper snow day, and Pete hasn't even been in town for the last real snow we had! So we suited up as a family and did what any family did these last few days: played in the snow!

When the power lines got torn down, so did our internet. While we can still access things off our phone, this didn't help Pete with being able to work remotely for his job. While his boss wasn't pleased with our situation, she agreed to him using his PTO, seeing as how this was truly out of our hands and wasn't changing any time soon. (We still don't have internet). 🤷‍♀️

The whole situation which started as a stressful nuisance quickly changed into a much needed break and mini-vacation for us as a family. Pete immersed himself 100% in being with Silas and keep him as entertained and happy as possible while allowing me time to fully rest. Silas has been in heaven, to say the least, although I'm sure he's about sick of both of us by now haha.

Each day, we'd get Silas suited up for a quick play around the property. I've been increasingly less active, but making myself get outside and enjoy the time together was much needed. The animals were happy to see me, and it was fun to see Silas loving the property in the frozen winter. I'd almost forgotten how excited I was to share in these experiences with him.

With the weekend now here, that means we've got two weeks (give or take) left together as a family of three. It seems as though the universe gifted us this last week housed in together. We both prefer being home and away from the real world, so we've spent much of the time reconnecting and trying to just enjoy things while they seem slow.

As far as the coming weeks go, we plan on keeping Silas out of school as to avoid him bringing home any last minute bugs. I hate this for him, as I would have preferred him to have another solid week of school. Not only does he LOVE school and his friends, but he's been thriving in that environment these last couple months. Pete's mom will be coming for some of the time to help watch him while we complete our last doctor appointments and errands. I'm hoping that the rest of the time will be spent much like Silas spends his time after coming inside from the snow: curled up on the couch under some fuzzy blanket. 😊

I'm so excited these last few weeks are here, even though I know I'll be missing how "slow" and "easy" these current days are when they are gone. I'm not ignorant to the fact that everything is about to change again, and this time in a HUGE way I know we can hardly imagine. Having a partner who is as eager and excited as I am is helping fill our home with the positivity we need though. All we need to do is make it to birthing day and get that whole event behind us, so we can continue as a family of FOUR! ❤️

My last photo for this post is one of my favorite moments I've captured in the past several months. When I met Pete and fell in love with him, I knew he'd someday make a great father, which solidified me knowing he was the one for me. As parents, we can easily overlook the sweetest moments, because we are so busy with everything else going on around us. While I don't always like to ruin such a moment by trying to capture it on camera, I'm happy I could snap this shot. I know as the years go on, I'll look back at this moment and remember these days before Khai...these days where we were all here together and had nothing else in the world going on around us.