Love is a reflex

It's been a while...I know. You'd think that with me not going into work right now, I'd have even more time to dedicate to writing. At the beginning of the pandemic, I felt like I did. I was committed to writing more and tried to knock stuff out (aside from just blogging) each week even. Nowadays, I'm just struggling to find enough ways to diversify my time with Silas that by the time there's any downtime or time to myself, I'm just mentally too zapped to write. That being said, it's been over a month 😳 , and we've truly had a lot going on!

At 23 weeks pregnant, my body is ever increasing in size, which makes doing things like wrangling Silas or even vacuuming way less easy. Furthermore, Silas is now slightly intrigued with my growing belly and often times rubs his own up against it before laughing wildly. We say, "There's a baby in there!" And he will respond with, "Hi, baby," before touching his own.

Halloween has just passed, and while we didn't do much of anything, we at least got some pumpkins this year to help feel a little more "festive." While Pete and I are probably a little more cautious than most, we opted out of going to any pumpkin patch nearby. Each time we'd drive past one, they just seemed so busy, and I couldn't imagine my rambunctious toddler running wild and touching everything in sight. Some friends of ours had suggested a tiny patch about 45 min from our house quite literally in the middle of no where. After a skipped nap from Silas, we figured it was a great time to take a drive. 😃

Silas was pretty engaged in carving pumpkins this year! Last year, my mother-in-law came in town and "celebrated" with me, but Silas wasn't as into getting his hands dirty. This year, we took the pumpkins out into the driveway to clean them. Silas surprisingly stayed beside us for all of it.

Silas was a big help when separating the seeds from the meat of the pumpkin. He LOVED putting the seeds into the bowl! I think what I liked most about it was that we all three got to do this together. I can't tell you the last time Pete and I were able to enjoy doing something like this together, just because he's always had to work such late overtime days at the end of each month. This day was slow, easy, and nothing fancy. We only ended up getting one of the pumpkins fully carved, but I still enjoyed the whole experience more than either of them know. That evening, we ate hot chicken and fish with some friends of ours, and it was literally the first time we've had anyone other than our parents inside for a meal since the pandemic started. We stayed up late talking and laughing around the table, and it was the perfect end to this day.

When Halloween itself rolled around, we debated heavily on what to even do with Silas. I'd used an old gift card to get a costume, so we weren't out any money, but with his daycare having shut down (more on that later), we didn't have a single place to take him.

My sister lives in a pretty fancy neighborhood that always does it up big for Halloween. With Silas only being 2, he still doesn't eat candy or understand the concept of trick-or-treating. That being said, we'd heard the neighborhood would simply be setting up tables along the sidewalk for kids to grab from, so we decided to join in on the festivities.

My nephews and Silas haven't ever gravitated towards each other very much, but I think Silas was tickled to be there in his costume and to be able to run around with some boys! My sister's boys got a kick out of Silas running around the house yelling for about a half hour getting everyone pumped up. I always compare him to being the little dog in the big dog park. 😂

When it came time to trick-or-treat, we really only lasted about a half hour outside. Silas was able to see lots of characters in costumes from afar, grabbed a little bit of candy for our pantry, and then ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on the way home. All in all, we were very happy we went with the low contact that was made and will definitely consider bringing him back next year!

Holidays aside, things have been going well here on the farm. Our egg production is in high gear right now so much that we've had to sell some eggs in larger bulk orders! Our batches are still a beautiful multi-color of eggs, making us very pleased with our current batch.

We still aren't sure when we are going to process another batch of birds. We usually do this twice a year: once in the fall and once in the spring. This always leaves us with just enough egg layers for us to keep eating eggs through the winter. Quite frankly, the whole gathering up birds, taking out the time to transport and pick them up, and dealing with everything that falls under this hasn't been high on our priority list. What's crazy is that the last time we processed any was at the start of the pandemic! How insane it's already been that long. 😳

The donkeys' hooves are currently better than they have been in probably over a year! A while back, we switched to a new farrier, because ours wasn't wanting to make the trip to our neck of the woods anymore. Our new farrier suggested we'd been treating their hooves all too frequently and suggested we cut back a lot. No complaints here!

His advice, coupled with some supplements from their vet, have made all the improvement! We haven't given them any hay since last winter, and we plan on not providing as much this winter either. Instead, we've been feeding them a tiny scoop of rolled oats mixed with a hoof supplement and a powdered medicine that helps with their thyroids.

Donkeys truly don't need a lot to eat or drink. In nature, they travel for such long distances without any food and can go days without drinking much water. Ours, however, have access to over 3 lush acres with hardly any competition. They just eat and graze all day long. Therefore, what do we feed them hardly seems like a lot of anything, but I can tell you they LOVE it. Their supplement has some alfalfa mixed in to make it more appealing.

Over the years that we've had the donkeys, we've gone through a lot of trial and error. We always felt like they were our easiest pets on the property, but they can actually be quite complicated and expensive as well. We've definitely learned that spending money on the right items, treatments, professionals and preventative measures really outweighs the long-term costs of owning them.

Carla Maie, Kevin Pancho, and Finnley Jean are all doing well. For months now, we've been slightly concerned about Carla not being 100%. She's just seemed slow, extra-moody, and sometimes a little weak. Lately, she's been a lot better, and feeding her any sort of treat goes a long way when allowing people to touch her....although I'm still the only person she really lets do that. I now think most of her off behavior has been due to her back hooves getting a little too long. Back before we ever had Silas, I'd spend time outside a couple times a year trimming back their hooves. It was a daunting task, because they weren't always thrilled or willing.

While I was pregnant with Silas, I decided it wasn't a good idea to put myself in a situation where I could get injured. That writes out doing any real work with the pigs, because it often requires wrestling, pinning them down, getting kicked/knocked over, etc. I started taking them to the vet to get trimmed, but even that turned out to be traumatic for them (and me), so I've even opted out of that now. What I've observed is that their hooves naturally and eventually do trim back on their own, provided they have a rough surface to walk on each day, but sometimes this process does take time unfortunately.

Kevin is still head honcho, and while she sounds pissy every day, she's still my little lover. She waits patiently once everyone's been fed for me to kneel down and pet her. Half the people who hear her whining think she's always in a horrible mood, but once you've been around pigs for long enough, you come to know when they are happy, sad, angry, annoyed, etc. Kevin is just kind of like that tired mom whose sick of people asking her for anything and just wants to live her life without anyone bothering her anymore. 😂

Finnley is still the anomaly. She doesn't spend any time near the other two pigs, except during feeding times. Instead, we often find her hanging around the house for the off chance one of us comes outside, or she's hunting the woods for fallen acorns. We're still taking Silas on daily walks, whether down the lane or around the property, and she LOVES tailing along. She's got to be the most agile and social pig I know.

Bootes....oh buddy. What a guy.

Bootes is great. We still miss Vega immensely. I do think he's a better guard dog without another dog being around, but it doesn't change the fact that we need another livestock guardian dog to take his place when he passes. There are some nights where Pete isn't able to sleep because of the insane cries from the coyotes outback all while Bootes is going mad trying to do his job. There's not much we can do as people, so it's best to just let Bootes do all the work, but it's hard not to worry about him. Most mornings, I go to place his food outside, and he's just curled up in a ball in the garage, just wiped from the night before.

So back to Silas' school being close. PHEW....

I went to pick up Silas from school on a Thursday, only to find out there was someone within the school who'd been in contact with someone who'd tested positive for COVID. My gut told me things were fine and to not worry, but I still decided to keep him home just to be safe. By Sunday night, there was a confirmed case with one of his teachers, which eventually led the school to shut down for what would be the next two weeks. 😳 Pete and I both felt like this was too close for comfort, and we wanted to be sure we were all ok, even though none of us were feeling ill of any kind.

That Monday morning, we all piled into the car together and drove downtown to the big drive-thru testing center.

I have to admit, I was extremely nervous to get tested. After everything I'd read about how invasive and uncomfortable the test was, I really didn't want to have to go through that, much less put Silas through it. Thankfully, this site was conducting "nare swabs", which is just a less invasive way of swabbing, but they get both nostrils thoroughly. They even offered a "ped swab" for Silas! My fears and anxiety dropped almost instantly. Furthermore, the whole process from waiting in line to getting it done really only took about 45 minutes total.

What's even better is we got our tests results in under 24 hours, and all of us came out negative! This instantly eased any worries for us. It will be three weeks since Silas has been in school this Thursday. It hasn't been the easiest having him home all the time, mostly because he's still been in anti-nap mode. That being said, we just don't want to risk anything more than we are comfortable with, and it's the whole reason I took this year off.

I know lots of stay at home moms probably roll their eyes at any mom complaining about having their kid one-on-one all the time. I try to keep things varied for him, try to change the scenery, provide "breaks" with Pete each day when possible, and even bring in reinforcements like my mom or mother-in-law to help when we need to get errands done. I love Silas more than anything, but by late morning, I often felt like I was already on the struggle bus with him! 😂

Granted, being pregnant and tired hasn't helped me. I wish I could just have my regular dance marathon with him in the kitchen like we used to or wrestle him on the bed. Half the time, I feel like he's just sick of being around me all the time! Some mornings, he wakes up asking about his friends and school...he even lists everyone's names. I never know what to say, because he still isn't at an age where I can explain anything like that yet.

So what's our days been like? Well, to be frank, I can't do anything without him being attached to my hip. Whether it's brushing my teeth, putting on my makeup, cooking food, or writing this very blog, he's always beside me and curious as to what I'm into. Heck, I can't even use the restroom without him bringing one of his books in for me to read to him!

Since we don't feel comfortable just running our errands with him still, we try to minimize the amount he even gets out of the house. Therefore, all of our chores like cleaning get done while he's home now, whereas I used to spend the days he was at school getting everything done. Silas doesn't mind the chores, and he thrives on any time spent with dad right now. Sometimes, I think being tied to the house so much gets to him, and he will quite literally demand that we go for a car ride, complete with grabbing his own shoes and jacket...so we do!

In the mix of everything, the terrible twos have set in heavy for this one and in a variety of ways. Daily tantrums can be triggered by me offering the wrong type of food, a toy car not sitting right, me not understanding something he's trying to say, or wanting something very unrealistic. His nap strike has its good and bad days that usually last about 3 days in a row. On the days he refuses to nap, he is AWFUL and so easily triggered by everything. He becomes angry, destructive, and everything else that falls under a toddler who needs a nap but won't.

To be honest, we ignore these tantrums as best we can, but it just makes the day go by much slower. By 7pm, I'm DONE, and so is everyone else.

There are plenty of great days mixed in though, so don't misunderstand me. I try to be optimistic each day with him, and when I have the opportunity to take him somewhere, I do jump at the opportunity. Most often, that place has been my mother's house. Not only do I find comfort in visiting the house I grew up in, but I'm happy to see Silas enjoy visiting with my grandmother and enjoying the dock down at the lake.

I always used to fantasize about him getting older, so we could enjoy things like this together, and now that these days are here, I'm really loving observing him just be his own person in these settings.

While I do stress about the social/emotional development with him not being in school right now, him visiting with family members always seems to change his demeanor. He thrives on being social, and he's a big character to be around. Heck, even when my mother-in-law comes into town, he just changes into a whole new child. The social aspect of interacting someone that's not mom or dad has outstanding effects on him. I just wish we had a few more weekly options for getting him out in a manner we all felt more comfortable with.

Thankfully, we live on an awesome piece of property that fosters his need to be outside and explore.

What's truly amazing to reflect on it just how much has changed around us since the start of the pandemic. From our mindsets to our daily routines, everything has constantly evolved into a "new" new. Silas alone is a totally different person. Heck, he was just starting to talk back in March, and here we are now and he's speaking in complete sentences!

He's a little BOY now, and it's insane. What's even crazier (and we are for sure) is that we've got a second one on the way now. Past me would have told you we'd be crazy to plan such a thing during this time, but the closer we get, the more ready and excited I feel.

I can hardly remember much of what I was like or how my life with Pete functioned prior to having Silas. Something about motherhood has just completely changed how my brain functions, and it's like everything pre-Silas was just a really, really, REALLY long time ago...even though it wasn't. 😊 We often flip through photos from a year or two ago and are amazed at how we've evolved as a family and as a couple.

I wonder how we'd be faring in this pandemic without kids. We'd likely be buying tons of animals, investing too much money into fun and random projects, and maybe we wouldn't be as worried about everything as we are now. I feel like we both value what we have together so much that we both think the stakes of anything changing or taking something away from it all is just too much. I can't imagine being without Pete and Silas.

On a personal note, I've been itching to fill my time with something meaningful and for just myself lately. I truly miss being at work and the flow of everything that brings. I love the structure of going to work, even during the busy and stressful times. While I've come to terms with not working this school year, I've found some pleasure in still being involved by helping a number of former students with their homework and papers via online. I don't know what'll happen between now and next school year, but I'm very hopeful that I'll be optimistically re-entering a classroom of some kind. Educating and helping people is where I'm the best professional version of myself.

I've attended a number of book parties online since Silas was born. I'm a sucker for books; I really am. So when my sister decided to host a party, I jumped on the bandwagon but instead decided to go the consultant route, which basically just meant lots of free books and commission for us.

One thing I've been passionate about even before Silas was born has been reading to him. Pete and I would read to him while he was still in utero, as I'm familiar with the benefits it brings. Since he was an infant, we've made sure to be consistent in reading to him and offer a predictable bedtime routine, complete with lots of books literally every night. So you can imagine that getting all these books in the mail as a result of my online party THRILLED me. I was able to utilize my passion for literacy to produce something that gave my family some great little benefits.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a sales person. I never have been. I hate sales-pitchy type things. I never jump on the online sales (except for book parties), but this has truly been something I've loved doing so far! I told Pete that even if this fizzles out real fast (which I truly hope it doesn't), I'm really pleased with what I've done so far. I hope I can continue to bring good books into other people's homes while still supplementing my own!

The other thing that's been filling our time lately has been puzzles! This may seem basic and boring to some of you, but I'm talking like 2000 piece puzzles....not the kind you can get done in an evening. These puzzles have been soooooo therapeutic for me alone. When I get frustrated on nap strike days, I resort to that room (formerly Silas' old room) and work out my stress by focusing on that instead. Furthermore, it's provided Pete and I with something new to do with our evenings when we need to change it up a bit.

Both of us have gone through our stressful patches, whether it be personal or work-related for Pete, so it's a great, easy way to spend time together without resorting to a screen. Furthermore, puzzles are relatively inexpensive!

With only 17 weeks (give or take) left until we meet Khai River in person, I still feel like there's a lot to happen. We have the nursery ready for his arrival, even though he won't be sleeping up there for a few months. We are planning on laying low for most of the holiday season and will even likely just stay home the three of us for Xmas. While I know lots of people are itching to get into the festivities that surround this time of year, we are just happy being together and enjoying what downtime that brings us for now.

While I do hate the winter, I'm at least happy the tail-end of this pregnancy will occur in the cooler months for me. By the time we've got a newborn, the nicer weather will be easing back into our lives, right in time for LOTS of time outside. I can't imagine how much our lives will change when he does arrive, but we are SO excited to meet him. I'll leave ya with our most recent photo of Khai, shot at about 21 weeks. <3 He already is both so similar and different from his big brother.