The hum of bees

Tomorrow, Khai will be 7 weeks old. It's amazing to me that much time has already gone by, although in some ways I also feel like it should be longer! I can say that in the last several weeks, things have been a bit of a rollercoaster for us. We've had lots of high and lows all mixed in together. Pete has since gone back to work, we've seen so many faces over we haven't seen in many months (or over a year), we've added new things to the property, and we've slept very....very...VERY little.

We have an ever-growing wishlist for the property and the house, as I'm sure most people do. One of the big things on this list has always been a legit playground for the kids to play on. Originally, I'd looked into buying a set from the Amish up in KY. I had my eyes set on one of those large pirate ship ones. It's not like we don't have enough room outside! By since the pandemic began, the costs and supply of certain materials needed for playsets has gone up a ton, making them not as easy to buy. The one place I had my heart set on buying from announced they weren't even going to be making them anymore! Thankfully, I found a place not too far from us that made the most incredible playgrounds. After speaking with the owner and having him custom make us something tailored to our budget, we ended up with this beauty!

The day we got it installed, Silas was at school enjoying his Easter egg hunt. We were so tickled for him to come home and see the new addition. When he got out of the car, his reaction did not disappoint! He was quite frankly speechless and in awe. Eventually, we heard, "This is AWESOME," as he climbed the ladder to his slide. We spent the rest of that afternoon and basically EVERY day since then playing outside on it.

Finally getting this huge item checked off our wishlist made me feel like our home was growing more and more into everything I pictured our home to be in regards to raising children. Last year, we'd added the basic water table, sand pit, and battery-powered vehicle for Silas...all of which are must-haves for kiddos. But THIS addition was different. It has already changed how we all interact outside as a family. I'm thankful Silas is of an age where he can fully utilize it, and I'm even happier that we invested in a set that'll grow with him.

Yes, I'm wearing the baby. 😆

Ideally, we'd love to install some sort of patio or slightly raised porch area outside where we can place our two tables and chairs. I hate always having to sit with my feet on the grass, especially as the warmer months creep in more and more. We can hardly keep up with how fast everything grows out here, and it would be nice to not always have to move all the furniture each time we choose to mow. Unfortunately, concrete isn't super cheap or anything, so we will have to wait a bit longer for that next installation...or at least until the next stimy check hits!

The addition of the playground came right in time for Easter. Last year, we didn't see or meet with anyone to celebrate the holiday. Instead, we threw a bag of eggs filled with goldfish crackers out in the front yard for Silas to pick up. We didn't mind missing most of the holidays last year, but I was super excited to have the opportunity to have some of our immediate family out this year!

Silas really enjoys having company out in general, and he especially loves playing with his cousins. We all sat outside while the kids all played and ate at their own little table.

Khai was only a few weeks old at this point, so we wore him pretty much non-stop during the day. This allowed us to be outside with everyone and get to fully interact like normal human beings for a change!

Me, my sister, and my cousin orchestrated a HUGE egg hunt in the backyard. Eggs were filled with candy, stickers, animal figurines, money, and various toys. I felt nostalgic watching the kids run around collecting eggs. Growing up, we LOVED this part of Easter; what kid doesn't?! We often celebrated Easter at my aunt's property, which was hands down the best spot for an epic hunt. I'm hoping that our home will become the new traditional place to celebrate for the kids as they grow up.

By the end of our celebration, it was way past Silas' nap. Silas was basically walking around the property crying, because he didn't want anyone to leave, he was thirsty, and he was tired. I felt horrible when everyone left, but as soon as we placed Silas in his bed, he was OUT.

Thankful and relieved to have had a successful holiday, I eagerly crawled into bed for a nap, while my mom agreed to help watch Khai. You know how hard it is to "sleep when the baby sleeps" when you have a toddler? Well, sure enough, my attempted nap went down the drain after Silas' nap ended too soon, ending in tears, and Khai decided he needed to nurse for the rest of the evening. 😩

Needless to say, all the days were blending together for me. Mentally, I wasn't feeling my best. I felt completely disconnected most days. I missed getting time with Silas, but Khai needed me around the clock. Pete and I were just juggling responsibilities, and any time we had a break where both boys would sleep, we'd attempt to get some time to ourselves, which usually entailed me laying in bed and Pete laying on the couch watching Youtube.

Each night, we'd start the bedtime routine around 6:30, and by 9pm, we were fighting for Khai to go to sleep as well. Up until this past week, Khai was waking up between every hour to every 3 hours. Each night was just miserable. Some mornings began for me as early as 4am when I couldn't get him to go back to sleep. So whenever I tried to get a handle on my mental health, my brain just did this.....

Raising a newborn with a toddler is tough. It is taxing on the mind and body, especially since I'm nursing. Khai has been a pretty fussy baby up until just this past week. I spent every single day, no joke, over-analyzing every little detail that could be affecting him: what I was eating, what he wore to bed, how we should react to him, if he was going to the bathroom too much/ not enough....the list goes on. Each week, I made myself get up and do more around the house, so

I didn't just feel like I was sitting in the corner alone with a baby all day.

Eventually, Pete and I started trading off who would put Silas to bed, even though it was something we did together every night prior to Khai's birth. At first, we tried bringing Khai up with us to be part of the bedtime routine, but it seemed to just take away genuine time from Silas, which is something he really needs right now. Slowly, I began to have more and more one-on-one time with Silas again. This not only helped our relationship, but it helped my mental health too.

I've had to start easing in to learning how to juggle life with two kids. At first, it felt like I had to have someone holding the baby if I was going to be doing anything else....and maybe that was the case at first because he was so fussy all the time. But as the weeks went on, I allowed myself to not feel guilty for putting him down in the rocker, so I could make dinner or clean up around the house.

With Silas being in school for most of the day, it became easier to get things done even with a baby. I'd forgotten how much of my life was attached to laying on the couch with Silas when he was just an infant. Shoot, I binged soooooo much Netflix during those first few months with Silas. If I wasn't watching TV, then I was literally just staring at him and marveling at all the things he was quickly learning to do.

With Khai, things are different. Yea, there's time some days to still lay on the cough while he insists on only napping on my chest, but there's also just a lot more going on these days. When Silas gets home, it's a combination of us playing outside, watching formula one racing (Silas' new obsession), feeding the animals, washing up, making dinner, and then getting both kids washed up and ready for bed. Before Khai was born, we'd head to bed around 10-11, but now we are creeping under the covers as early as 8:30!

While Silas definitely took a weird adjustment hit to the whole family of four deal, his whole demeanor has changed lately. He seems to have fully accepted that the baby is part of the family, and he's really become more helpful and better behaved. I think the warmer days have helped him too, and it has allowed endless hours of him chasing carpenter bees and butterflies across the back field.

As much as I'm in awe of the new baby in front of me, I can't seem to turn away from Silas long enough to be surprised at his growth as well. In the last year, he's become much more of an individual, peaking his own interests that weren't encouraged by anyone but him. Lately, aside from the formula one race cars, his big obsession has been bugs.

I could leave Silas outside, and he'd be entertained for hours inspecting every little bug flying by him or crawling on the ground. His mental index of what every bug is and whether or not he can touch it has been pretty impressive. When he was younger, we definitely encouraged a love for the outdoors, but both of us are impressed with his growing knowledge.

Naturally, we try to encourage any of his interests and foster them as best we can. We've got a variety of bug viewers and "hotels" that he keeps his finds in. He loves has close inspections of the usual suspects like ladybugs, stinkbugs, snails, spiders, centipedes, worms and ants. Going for a walk around the property now means a hunting expedition, complete with a bucket and shovel, to see what kind of creature he might find.

Some friends of ours even found a really awesome salamander on their property and brought it out to Silas. We had an old tank stuffed away in the garage, so we busted that out and spent a whole afternoon collecting dirt and debris with Silas to fill it. Endeavors like these cost us very little if anything at all, but they serve as a healthy way to encourage his educational development.

With the warmer months now here, that means we need to spend more time outside tending to a new seasonal variety of chores. Not being pregnant anymore means I can help with some of the tasks like mowing, weeding, planting, etc., but most of the chores are tended to by Pete. We still haven't processed our birds for this year, but we plan on it after the big cicada rush comes. Hopefully, by June or July, we can start a batch or two of eggs in the incubator and then off the rest of our adults for some good 'ol chicken sausage!

Our house hasn't been the same with Turtle gone. The presence of a dog in the house feels vital to me, and not physically having her around has grown to be a bit tougher. On days where I mentally don't feel my best, all I want to do is sit on the ground with her and rub her big beagle ears. Thankfully, our property isn't short of any animals, so I can always run outside and love on one of my choosing.

Bootes has been doing great, although I think he registers that Turtle isn't here anymore. We always go back and forth on feeling bad for him like he's lonely or something, even though he's our working dog. These summer months mean he's hiding inside the garage more often to avoid the heat, and since the days are longer, he doesn't get as much time outside working at night. That being said, he jumps on any opportunity to spend with us when we come outside to play.

I'm hoping we can get another dog by the end of the summer, although I want to be patient in finding the right one. With animals, I need to have a certain connection, and I need to allot time to finding that with our next dog. But I desperately want our boys to grow up in a home with a dog companion, and my brain needs that too.

We are very thankful that our animals do so well around our kids. The donkeys have recently met Khai through the fence. Both of them are very intuitive around both pregnant women and babies. Already, they've gotten jealous with each other when one of them gets too much time sniffing the baby than the other. The pigs have never cared much for babies or kids either way, although we encourage Silas to interact with them as much as we can, so they recognize him as being above them on the totem pole.

Chickens....well....do they even have brains? Some people worry when they see Silas chasing our huge roosters, afraid they may turn on him. We have several that are almost as tall as him. But discouraging a kid to chase chickens and roos would only provide more reason and opportunity for a rooster to challenge him. I promise you, no rooster wants to turn around a face Silas when he's chasing them like a madman. 😆

And let's not forget Samson....

Unless you come visit us often, you may have forgotten we even had a cat. Samson is about as perfect as an outdoor cat comes. He's extremely independent but still finds time to leave us "gifts" and seek out some cuddle time when we are outside. We got days without seeing him sometimes, but he always manages to appear when we are outside playing with Silas. He's been with Silas since he was a baby and has never harmed him more than a scratch. He lets Silas grab his tail, chase him, and love on him. When he's had enough, he lets Silas know, and Silas seems to understand and respect that.

With Khai, Samson hasn't seen him much until recently. I spent one evening on the front porch holding Khai after he'd been particularly fussy for a whole day. Pete was running around the property with Silas, and I was just trying to relax and get the baby to rest for even thirty minutes. All of a sudden, Samson showed up, sniffed the baby's feet, gave me lots of love, and then laid down on the chair beside us until Khai woke up. How animals can be so intuitive amazes me.

Other than a dog, I don't think we will be adding any other animal additions to the property any time soon. We have new baby chickens hatching right now which will likely serve as our new batch of birds while we process our old ones this summer. We still get tickled to find a hen gone broody, much less when they finally start to hatch!

So how's everything else going? Getting better each week, I'd say!

As mentioned, Silas has been on quite the good boy kick lately. His nap regression at home has changed into 3 hour naps. His potty training regression (which lasted about two weeks after we brought home Khai) has turned into an obsession with pooping on the potty. No kidding, this kid tries to poop EVERY time he sits down now and is so thrilled when he's successful. He's even asked to have his photo taken with his success. (Sorry for the poop photo)

The whiny outbursts to get our attention over the baby's have dwindled down, although we still get some normal 2-year-old outbursts here and there. His ability to play independently has emerged, and he seems to know exactly when to demonstrate that, whether it be playing in the sandbox or building with his blocks by himself. His desire to help us around the house has expanded to helping us clear off the table after dinner, empty the dishwasher, clean up messes, vacuum with a hand-vac, and even get in/out of the car on his own.

With Khai, he's become more interested in interacting with him, probably because Khai is becoming more aware each day. Silas gets amused by Khai's hands touching his face, and he tries to rock and sing to him when he cries. When Khai is having a total meltdown, Silas can be found singing rock-a-bye-baby and trying to find a pacifier to put in his mouth.

What's even more amazing is that Khai genuinely responds to Silas and his voice. He smiles when he sees him and loves trying to reach out and touch him. I guess after hearing Silas' voice for 10 months while inside my belly had enough of an impact, because Khai responds to his familiarity just as he does with Pete and me.

In the last couple weeks, Khai has begun to smile and make baby coos. He's learning that he's not just a head but that he has arms that can reach and legs that can kick. My morning with him are spent cuddling in bed, bringing back all the memories of days like that with Silas. I'm pretty open about not being a huge fan of the newborn stage of life, even though I love the feel of a sleeping baby on my chest, but I'm excited that he's now reaching these mini-milestones that make him grow more into an infant rather than a newborn.

This summer is probably going to be tough for us to adjust to. In just a few weeks, schools will be out, which means Silas' daycare will be closed until the next school year starts back up. Thankfully, we found somewhere to send him part-time during the summer months, so I can at least have a couple days with just Khai, rather than me trying to juggle both kids all day every day. Silas loves school so much. In fact, when he isn't cooperating in terms of going to bed, we use school as an incentive for him to go to sleep (and it always works!)

Within the next month, it'll be easier to carry Khai around with me, even if it's just following Silas around the property. In addition, I hope he will be on a set nap schedule by then too, so I can get some one-on-one time with Silas during the days he's home. I'm sure I'll be joining forces with plenty of teacher-mom friends too to help with all our sanity.

I'm hoping that once Khai's nighttime sleeping improves, we will all start to feel a lot more normal. Fostering a marriage is a lot of work. Owning a farm is a lot of work. Adding a kid into the mix makes you learn a whole new way of living and working together as partners. Adding a second kid into the mix just makes you reorganize and shift everything again, all while operating on less sleep and less time.

We've gradually been feeling better about seeing people and getting out of the house more. For the last year, we've avoided taking Silas most places outside of home and school, mostly because you can't force a two-year-old to keep a mask on. This past weekend, we ventured out to the store with him, and he kept his mask on the entire time. I'd imagine by now that he's so used to seeing them, that he wants to be a part of everything.

With so many of our close friends having been vaccinated now, we finally feel like we can be at ease some. I know the world is divided on their beliefs and how they are treating this pandemic. Pete and I often keep our mouths shut, because it's pretty obvious how we feel about things. We don't mind when people don't agree with our beliefs or want to act differently than we do, as long as it doesn't affect the well-being of our family. But we certainly don't want to raise our kids in a world where we are scared of going to the store or visiting with friends. I can only hope that each month makes life in this post-covid world a little easier, although I can't complain too much about staying home either. 😊

I'll leave ya'll with one last OUTSTANDING photo. On the left is Silas at 3 months of age. To the right it Khai at 7 weeks of age!! 😳 So many of our friends and family have commented on how similar they look. While I can see some similarities, I often just see two different kids. Khai is already so much bigger than Silas was; heck, he's wearing clothes Silas was in at 3-6 months old right now! When we took Khai's photo in his Nashville doula onesie and compared it side-by-side, my mind was blown! They absolutely and unmistakably look like brothers! I cannot wait to see how Khai ages over the next couple of months...to see if he only grows to look more and more like his big brother or more like his red-haired "big" little brother. ❤️